Off the sidelines

Ugh, is this week over yet? I have been having these funks lately. I think it is has to do with the waffling of the season, among a few other life changes. This past we I went through a life experience that shook me to my core. After a long talk with my best friend (Hi BFF!) I looked back to my word of the year. Something I look at daily but really havent fully committed to lately.

So embrace... what does it mean to me? Originally it was taking everything in good and bad and taking it for what it was worth. Lately I am realizing it is about me, embracing who I am, and who I want to become. The work that I need to do.

I want to be an artist, I want that to be my "title" so what does that mean to me? That means I get to have a studio and people buy my work because they see value in it. It means I have a portfolio, and gallery exhibits and people write about my work. It means I do interviews and be a guest writer on blogs. It means I teach my methods to those who want to also learn to paint, draw, collage. I am there? Not even close.

But what I have done is I have written down my Artist Goals. Originally I called them dreams but I crossed out the word dreams. Why? It didnt seem definite enough it was a word that meant I could think about it and hope for it but I didnt have to work for it. Goals? A much better word. I need to work my butt off to get what I want.

I also have a lot of personal goals for myself. This is the year I finally get off the sidelines and work to get what I want. So thank you, you know who you are, I bet you didnt know the change you have lit in my soul, but none the less thank you to the universe for sending you my way at the time I needed it the most. I didnt see it at first and I needed the loving soul of my dearest friend to help me see it but everything truly does happen for a reason. It is just up to us to see those lessons and grow from them.

I cant wait to share my journey with you all! I am sure there will be lots of ups and downs. And please if you want to share I would love to here about your own journeys whatever they may be. email me any time at: artsymomma @ gmail .com

reset?

We are trying new things around here. Less TV a lot more make believe. In the last 24 hours giants, princesses, and dinosaurs have visited. My daughter has been a doctor, princess and party planner. I have magically turned into momma horse too many times to count.

Life in general has been anything but easy. I wont complain I have had it easy for so long it is my turn to rid someone else of the tough time burdens. It is amazing that what is meant to be will be either the easy or the hard way you dont have any other choices. I am glad I have my faith and know that I am in good hands. Doesnt mean I am not praying, we have daily, sometimes it seems hourly conversations!

Oh and if Leila asks, you dont know how to fix an unplugged "broken TV" (wish me luck I am a background noise kinda girl so no TV for me is gonna be hard!!!)

When life give you lemons...

eat a cheeseburger! Ok I know that isnt how the saying goes but it is how my life goes. I have had a rough week. Partly due to some imbalances (hopefully addressed and taken care of) and mostly due to everything going wrong around me. When it gets like this I get quiet. I want to keep my blog happy most days so I tend to just not write when tough days get tougher. I have felt inadequate lately, not crafty enough, not a good enough artist, not a good enough mom, not a good enough sister/friend/neighbor, the list could go on for days. Today though I finally am forcing myself to snap out of it. Life sucks some days but if you focus on only that you will miss all the good stuff worth living for.

So there you have it all, rough patch has come and gone. Cant wait to get back to normal and hopefully posting more about my crazy kids and my crafts gone wrong!

Happy Friday

After a long week, jumping on a bed can make all the stress just disappear! Happy Friday All!

An open book

Most people, who know me, know I am pretty much an open book. Feelings are not hid well, you can read them pretty easily on my face. These last two months have been the hardest two months of my life to date. My MIL moved in and the cultural differences, age difference, and life experiences led to nothing but head butting. I was raised not to raise my voice or speak back to my elders. Everyday was a test of these teachings. I learned patience, humility, and faith.

When the decision was made that our living situation was not working out and that my MIL needed to move out things did not end well. Horrible things were said to me which basically comes down to I am not good enough, and never will be good enough for her son.

As a mother of both a girl and a boy I already know that I will be very critical of the person who wants to have my child’s heart that I held for so long. But I know that from this situation unless that person is physically or mentally ruining my child my feelings are better left not said. I also now will be able to support Leila if she has to deal with the same situation. And I know now for Kenson that to try and wedge myself into a relationship will do nothing but hurt our relationship.

All in all it was a messy situation; one I hope happened for a reason that I will find out later on in life. One I don’t wish upon anyone else. It bruised my spirit and I have been working this last week to rebuild it. It has really questioned who I am as a mother, wife, and daughter. I can only grow from this and that is what I intend to do.