seriously?

So on top of everything around me falling apart, Kenson my laid back easy going baby is on a nursing strike. Of all the things going on this is the toughest one for me. I am a huge hormonal wreck (which at the moment is the worst time for me, crying in front of my boss is not something I typically want to do but cant seem to stop lately!). I am hoping to rule out a few reasons soon but we are going on day three. On top of the nursing strike he is not being soothed as easily at night and in the early morning. So bed time has been a heartbreaking activity to the point where I just want to give up. And it also means we are waking up at 3am for a morning "snack" of things like cheerios since he would normally be nursing at this time. Any momma's out there with some words of support/advice. This is a new thing for me, Leila self weaned at 9 months. Kenson a super nurser until 3 days ago...

When it rains it pours I tell you!

reset?

We are trying new things around here. Less TV a lot more make believe. In the last 24 hours giants, princesses, and dinosaurs have visited. My daughter has been a doctor, princess and party planner. I have magically turned into momma horse too many times to count.

Life in general has been anything but easy. I wont complain I have had it easy for so long it is my turn to rid someone else of the tough time burdens. It is amazing that what is meant to be will be either the easy or the hard way you dont have any other choices. I am glad I have my faith and know that I am in good hands. Doesnt mean I am not praying, we have daily, sometimes it seems hourly conversations!

Oh and if Leila asks, you dont know how to fix an unplugged "broken TV" (wish me luck I am a background noise kinda girl so no TV for me is gonna be hard!!!)

An open book

Most people, who know me, know I am pretty much an open book. Feelings are not hid well, you can read them pretty easily on my face. These last two months have been the hardest two months of my life to date. My MIL moved in and the cultural differences, age difference, and life experiences led to nothing but head butting. I was raised not to raise my voice or speak back to my elders. Everyday was a test of these teachings. I learned patience, humility, and faith.

When the decision was made that our living situation was not working out and that my MIL needed to move out things did not end well. Horrible things were said to me which basically comes down to I am not good enough, and never will be good enough for her son.

As a mother of both a girl and a boy I already know that I will be very critical of the person who wants to have my child’s heart that I held for so long. But I know that from this situation unless that person is physically or mentally ruining my child my feelings are better left not said. I also now will be able to support Leila if she has to deal with the same situation. And I know now for Kenson that to try and wedge myself into a relationship will do nothing but hurt our relationship.

All in all it was a messy situation; one I hope happened for a reason that I will find out later on in life. One I don’t wish upon anyone else. It bruised my spirit and I have been working this last week to rebuild it. It has really questioned who I am as a mother, wife, and daughter. I can only grow from this and that is what I intend to do.

I hate my weepy days

I have had a rough day. On some of my worst days I am always humbled by my faith. On the day that just couldn’t go right an earth bound angel named Howard was my saving grace today. And all he needed to say was "you sound so calm, keep being calm". I am sure he has no idea how bad I needed to hear that and how thankful I am for that small statement. It was all I needed to turn my day around and keep me humble.

It just goes to show you can mean the difference of making someone’s day good or bad. My goal is to keep spreading the good days around. Everyone has so much going on in their life, they dont need me making it more difficult.

I doubt this man will ever find my blog as it was a phone conversation with a customer who I am sure I will never meet in my lifetime but none the less I need to put it out there, Howard from Rusmur Floors. Thank you.


**The background on this photo: It was taken on my grandparent's once thriving farm. Time and years has taken its toll and now this windmill is now a standing testament to remind us of times past.**

Saving for a rainy day

I think I have already discussed this but here we go again. I am on a budget. This past weekend we decided that ALL our extra money was to be put away so that within 5 years we will have enough saved for a down payment on a house. Five years that I can not go garage saleing or thrifting any longer. I had to be honest with myself all the things that I buy at thrift stores I dont need and in all honesty there will always be pretty vintage stuff for me to buy I doubt there will be a shortage even in five years. My problem? Garage/estate sales and thrift stores are my crack, seriously I am addicted and I am already getting the shakes just thinking about giving it up. Well not giving it up just stopping for awhile. Its a life long addiction. I will probably fall a couple times and I am allowing myself one weekend right around my birthday (August) for a big flea market. Now I just have to stay away from Craigslist and the paper to see all the tempting ads!