An open book

5/13/2009


Most people, who know me, know I am pretty much an open book. Feelings are not hid well, you can read them pretty easily on my face. These last two months have been the hardest two months of my life to date. My MIL moved in and the cultural differences, age difference, and life experiences led to nothing but head butting. I was raised not to raise my voice or speak back to my elders. Everyday was a test of these teachings. I learned patience, humility, and faith.

When the decision was made that our living situation was not working out and that my MIL needed to move out things did not end well. Horrible things were said to me which basically comes down to I am not good enough, and never will be good enough for her son.

As a mother of both a girl and a boy I already know that I will be very critical of the person who wants to have my child’s heart that I held for so long. But I know that from this situation unless that person is physically or mentally ruining my child my feelings are better left not said. I also now will be able to support Leila if she has to deal with the same situation. And I know now for Kenson that to try and wedge myself into a relationship will do nothing but hurt our relationship.


All in all it was a messy situation; one I hope happened for a reason that I will find out later on in life. One I don’t wish upon anyone else. It bruised my spirit and I have been working this last week to rebuild it. It has really questioned who I am as a mother, wife, and daughter. I can only grow from this and that is what I intend to do.

8 Comments:

Jenn Maruska said...

Take a deeeep breath.
She might be jealous that you have her son and grandchildren "all to yourself" from her perspective.

Keep your chin up.

I wish you well.

daintydaisies said...

oh Stef, all I can say is I'm sorry that you are going through that. I have not known you very long nor do I know you very well.. but to me you always seem to be so kind hearted and easy to get along with. I had the most fun with you at the craftaculars. Keep your chin up it will get better.. like you said for whatever reason there is probably a life lesson in there some where! Hugs to you!

Shawn said...

I have a similar situation only it's my mom and she is here to stay. Anyway, I have learned one good thing from all the hard things is what I can do to not repeat the bad things. Like looking at my soninlaw with love instead of criticism. Also to really keep an eye on myself that I don't become critical too. That is hard for me because I grew up with that attitude ALL around me. Don't give up :)

Taiya said...

Sorry to hear that you had a rough time. Try not to doubt what you know about yourself regarding your children and husband. I hope that someday your MIL will see that you made a decision necessary for your family and accept that.

Rosa said...

When dh and I told my in-laws that we were leaving the East Coast to move to Wisconsin, Step-MIL told me the most hurtful things: in a nutshell, she told me that because I stay at home and don't "contribute", my husband is on a constant quest to make more money--aka, "all my fault". It was horrible. I held my tongue, and our relationship has not been the same. I don't speak to them, and we haven't seen them in over a year.

You will be a great mother-in-law because you know how to treat others as you want to be treated. Living with in-laws is not always a perfect situation. Things will get better if both sides work on it. But you don't have to rush to "fix" things.

Good luck.

Katie Jean said...

hang in there stef. John and I lived with his parents when Isaiah was first born and it came to a point where I was about to lose it, and then we bought our own house. His mother and I were constantly butting heads and even had a big blow up fight. Luckily things eventually got better and we now are very close. It does take time and patience, on both ends, but you'll get through it. Remember oftentimes things are said out of anger or frustration and are not truly a representation of what is really felt. It'll get better!

Naomi said...

Hang in there kiddo. Have a good cry. That always helps me!
xo

Sarah and Jack said...

Well, u are much braver than I am. I would never let my MIL move in here in the first place.

Hopefully you feeling better about yourself now that she has moved on.

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